Time to just START

I had big plans to begin this on the first of 2018, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like I should probably just do it. Like a Nike commercial. (This is about the only way in which my life has ever resembled a Nike commercial.) No need to wait two(ish) weeks until the end of the year. There’s a lot of mischief to be managed between now and then.

So here it is. I’m a mama to four little people. I have been pregnant, breastfeeding, or both since the beginning of 2010. Some people will tell you that breastfeeding is the perfect way to melt the pounds off. I’m happy for the people for whom that is true, but I am not among them. My body holds on to every calorie. For a while after my third, I was almost exclusively breastfeeding a hungry 18-lb boy AND sharing milk with a friend who needed extra help. When I cut calories for a while, my weight remained the same, but my milk supply dropped.

But I think this is the end of the pregancy-birth-breastfeeding-pregnancy cycle, barring divine plans that I know nothing about. I’m still nursing the smallest (2-3x per day) so I anticipate the weight will not move for a while.

At any rate, I need to get my shit together. Last night I ate a dozen and a half small pieces of chocolate minty deliciousness and then I felt awful.

I’ve tried a number of sane approaches to weight loss and a couple of less healthy ones. I’m not buying any expensive MLM products (sorry, Beachbody sisters) or doing anything remotely faddish. This time, I just want to live my life, but healthier.

My goals:

  • improved energy
  • better sleep
  • eventual weight loss (my target weight is 180, which is 80 lbs down from where I am. I do not expect to lose all of this over the course of the year, especially given the realization that I won’t really start losing until the baby is done nursing.)
  • better relationship with food
  • kinder relationship with my body.
  • more strength, which means less soreness and fewer injuries
  • increased flexibility

Current stats, according to a sorta smart watch and my healthmate app:

I weigh 264 lbs this morning. It fluctuates pretty regularly between 260 and 264, based on food and water retention.

I walk an average of 6000 steps per day.

Body composition:
My body fat is… 51.7%?!? Good Lord. I’m over half fat. That’s… fantastic. Just awesome. (Here is where it’s a REALLY GOOD THING that I’m doing this anonymously.)

On average, 7.5ish hours. (This is a HUGE DEAL, since I’ve spent almost all of the last 8 years pregnant or with an infant… my average in those cases is 5 hours or less.) This is a beautiful number, but I’m still SO TIRED. Like I could fall asleep at any point during the day.

The idea:

I need consistency and accountability. Gretchen Rubin talks about the Four Tendencies, both in her book by that title and in Better than Before, in which she lays out how people make habits. I’m an Obliger, which means I respond to external expectations more than internal ones. (The Upholder is motivated by both, the Questioner—my husband—only responds to internal motivation and cares little for external pressure, and the Rebel responds to neither. In case you were curious.) I write to process, and this should provide me some feeling of accountability, even though, at the time of this writing, only two people know about it.

I’ve been inspired of Dana of A Slob Comes Clean, who basically tackled her clutter this way: anonymous blogging to nobody. Taking cues from her, I’m going to change one thing per week and see where I get.

I hope to check in dailyish. (I have two toddlers and two homeschool kids learning to read and one husband I really like hanging out with, so, I mean, there’s grace.) Most of my posts will be short, fairly boring, pretty ugly. I have another writing space where I write nice things about grace and family life and there are pretty pictures that I take myself and it’s usually carefully edited and there’s almost no swearing… Not here. If I’m going to post daily, the expectations need to be LOW. I MIGHT read through for errors when I’m done with a post. Maybe. Pictures, when they appear, will be craptastic. I don’t have two hours to spend every day here.

Check-ins will include the day’s activity and how I ate, basically. I’ll enter weight and body fat weekly (I think… maybe Saturdays?), and info about whatever my current habits are. I tend to be verbose and an external processor, so I’ll probably also share related musings from time to time.

This week’s habit:

Eat 30 g of protein within 30 minutes of waking.

This one is courtesy of Tim Ferris. I read it in 4-hour Chef, though I believe it was initially from 4-hour Body. Evidently this is the fastest way to change body composition. I’m not so worried about that, but when I front-load the protein, I feel better and less hungry and better set up to make good food choices the rest of the day.

(This one is a bit of a cheat as it’s *almost* habit already. But it’s Christmas week, and I need to go for the easy win.) 

I’m scared, to be honest.

I’ve tried lots of things. I’ll talk about them some in the coming months. I’ve worked really hard, unhealthily hard sometimes, and had almost no success. I’m not a yo-yo dieter, I’m the dieter that the diets don’t talk about: nothing works, despite my efforts.

I’d invite you to follow along, but, as I mentioned, there are only two of you. (Thanks for being my people.)


One thought on “Time to just START

  1. Pingback: light – grace enough

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